Half-Life in Exile
by Hala Alyan
I’m forever living between Aprils.
The air here smells of jacarandas and lime;
it’s sunset before I know it. I’m supposed
to rest, but that’s where the children live.
In the hot mist of sleep. Dream after dream.
Instead, I obsess. I draw stars on receipts.
Everybody loves the poem.
It’s embroidered on a pillow in Milwaukee.
It’s done nothing for Palestine.
There are plants out West that emerge only after fires.
They listen for smoke. I wrote the poem
after weeks of despair, hauling myself
like a rock. Everyone loves the poem.
The plants are called fire-followers,
but sometimes it’s after the rains. At night,
I am a zombie feeding on the comments.
Is it compulsive to watch videos?
Is it compulsive to memorize names?
Rafif and Ammar and Mahmoud.
Poppies and snapdragons and calandrinias:
I can’t hear you. I can’t hear you under the missiles.
A plant waits for fire to grow.
A child waits for a siren. It must be a child.
Never a man. Never a man without a child.
There is nothing more terrible
than waiting for the terrible. I promise.
Was the grief worth the poem? No,
but you don’t interrogate a weed
for what it does with wreckage.
For what it’s done to get here.
Check out more of Hala Alyan’s gorgeous, necessary work, including her two novels Salt Houses and The Arsonists City and poetry collections The Twenty-Ninth Year and Hijra.
2 thoughts on “There is nothing more terrible than waiting for the terrible.”
Aww thank you!
On Mon, Apr 18, 2022 at 10:00 AM live in the layers wrote:
> Natalie Jabbar posted: ” Art by Kristina Closs Half-Life in Exile by Hala > Alyan I’m forever living between Aprils.The air here smells of jacarandas > and lime;it’s sunset before I know it. I’m supposedto rest, but that’s > where the children live.In the hot mist of sleep. D” >
I didn’t get this poem on the first reading, it was opaque to me, but a second or third reading this morning, the words opened up to me. Such a beautiful poem about living the half life of exile. Thank you for hauling the hard rock of yourself in the living and writing of it.